Strengths of All Parts
Strengths of All Parts
A Listening tool for our community
Shifting from reaction with "Survival Brain" to responding with Wise Self
YOUR LISTENING IS A GIFT: Most of us want to talk and explain our point of view. Imagine the gift you give someone else when you offer your full attention to listen and learn about their point of view for the larger goal of building bridges and understanding in our families, communities, country, and world.
PAUSE: Listening is hard when you feel/think differently than someone else.
- Practice your deep breaths as you listen. Oxygen supports stepping in to our Wise Self.
Non-Verbal cues are more important than you think.
- Share warmth in your eyes and a gentle smile. It helps connect us as humans!
MIRROR: You will be amazed what can unfold when you simply reflect/repeat back what you hear.
- "What I hear you saying is....". You can paraphrase, but don't change content.
- When someone feels heard, they don't have to repeat themselves or say it louder!
ASK FOR MORE: "That's interesting...could you tell me more?"
- Avoid, "WHY?" questions which tend to provoke defensiveness.
- Instead try, "I'd love to hear more about...."
RESPECTING SOMEONE'S RIGHT TO THEIR OWN BELIEFS is NOT the same as agreeing.
You honor someone's inherent worth and dignity by listening to what they share with you about what they believe and about who they are. It tells you about how they have learned to make it through this journey of being human. Let's hope that they may like that experience and want to give it to you and pass it on to others.
About the tool
This Listening Tool is an adjunct tool written to support and deepen the #PledgetoListen movement. We invite and welcome you to borrow/tweak the tool to support listening on many levels - between couples, parents, families, friends, and in groups or organizations seeking to promote active listening and support intentional civility. It can be especially important to practice with those who might hold views different than our own to/with whom it can be hard to listen.
Please feel free to copy, paste, and shape this tool to share in various ways with your family, group, neighborhood, or organization.
The ideas in this tool are an integration of Imago Therapy's intentional dialogue, Tara Brach's integrative meditation, and neurobiological frameworks.